You're not alone
by boredtotearstoday
Summary: Their love will be tested, will they be able to be with each other or will people get in their way? What will happen when Carlos loses his faith? Will James come clean? Will Kendall be able to fall in love without falling apart?
1. Chapter 1

**Okay this story is parsley a cross-over, I wrote a supernatural(J2) fic that crosses over with this one, you can read this one without reading the other one but it would be better if you read both :D oh yeah this story is Co-written by "Bordoutofmymind" **

**Disclaimer: ****I don't own big time rush or supernatural, but I do own the OC's and what comes to my twisted mind. **

**Summary: ****Their love will be tested, will they be able to be with each other or will people get in there way? What will happen when Carlos loses his faith? Will James come clean? Will Kendall be able to fall in love without falling apart? How will Logan be able to stay sane, will he find the one person he's looking for?**

**Carlos/OC, James/OC, Kendall/OC, Logan/OC, Don't worry if you don't like the pairing because there will be Jarlos, Korgan, Kames, and Cargan...**

**Okay so now read the story and review to tell me if I should keep going or make changes thank you? Okay so on to the story.. oh before I forget this chapter is only in Carlos and James point of view, next chapter will be Kendall's and Logan's point of view.. Okay I'm shutting up now so you can read. ;D**

**CARLOS POV**

I'm on my way to visit Jake at _Palm woods mental institution_ with James. He's only coming to visit his best friend Erin who he has a crush on but she doesn't know, Me and James became friends back in middle school, he was a chubby kid back then and nobody ever talked to him, Erin didn't go to that school at the time but me and James quickly became friends and been friends ever since. I didn't meet Jake until freshman year of high school when we had to work on a science project together but we never actually talked after the project but he was hanging out with Erin and sometimes James in high school but when I ever came around he would always make an excuse and leave. Jake and Erin became friends in middle school, ironically it was the same day me and James became friends. It wasn't until the middle of junior year I asked Jake out, and to this day I still can't believe he said yes. Everything was going fine, I even mustered up enough courage to propose to him, but two days later something happened and that's when we decided it would be best if he got help.

*******FLASH BACK*******

Waking up holding Jake, just feels surreal I know in my heart I want to spend my life with him 'todays going to be the day' I thought to myself kissing Jake on top of his head, his eyes start to flutter open.

"Morning babe." I said as he sits up.

"Morning." He said in a sleep voice, giving me a kiss on the lips. "So how long have you been staring at me?" he said, I started to blush.

"Just about a minute." I said getting out of bed. "Wanna take a shower." I said looking at him.

"I don't know, you seem offal happy." He said with a smirk pointing at my pajama pants, I look down and feel my blood rush to my cheeks.

"Well you see that's only for my boyfriend." I said grabbing my junk through my pants now it was his turn to blush, I couldn't hold in my laughter anymore but I stopped when he glared at me. "So do you want to take a shower?" I asked as he nodded and got up and walked over to me pulling me into a passionate kiss as we made it to the bathroom not even pulling apart even though we bumped in to the wall a few times, and got into the shower.

After a very intense shower we got dressed and I told Jake we were going somewhere.

"Where are we going?" He asked staring out of the window of the car.

"Don't worry you'll see." I said with a slight smirk. Driving for about another 20minutes we pulled into Rocque Records. "Okay were here." I said putting the car in park.

"Babe this is where we first meet." He said as a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"Yes it is. I have something special planed." Leaned over and give him a kiss on the cheek, I got out of the car so did he and we entered Rocque Records. "Here put this on." I said handing him a blindfold.

"…..Why?" he asked looking at me skeptical.

"Just do it…..Please." I said giving him my best puppy dog face what he can't resist.

"Fine… but if I trip or hit something, you count on that you will never be the _top _anymore." He said with a smirk and grabbed the blindfold and put it on. I grabbed his hand and lead him to the elevator, it stopped on the 15th floor, we got out and made are way over to the stairs and made are way to the roof.

"Okay you can take the blindfold off now." I said as we just walked out of the stairwell and on to the roof. I watch as he took the blindfold off and looked around, looking at the candle light lunch/dinner with a vase full of purple roses on the table, I could see his eyes start to sparkle as tears brimmed at his eyes.

"…You…did this for me." he said not trying to hold back the tears anymore, I walk over to him and hugged him.

"I would do anything for you babe. I love you." I said tearing up to.

"I love you too." He said pulling back a little and placing a soft, sweet kiss on my lips.

"Let's go sit down." I said grabbing his hand and walking over to the table pulling his chair out for him.

"Thank you." He said taking a seat.

"Anything for you." I said taking my own seat across from him, moving the flowers and placing a tray that's covered by a silver top. "Ready to eat?" I said with a slight smirk.

"Sure." He said looking at me questionably.

"Okay I'll pore the drinks, um… why don't you dish the food." I said poring the drinks while he took off the silver lid to the tray, his eyes widened at the sight as tears welled up in his eyes.

"…..Really." he said looking at me.

"Yes baby. Jake you are my everything, you make me smile, I love holding you and waking up with you in my arms it feels so right I can't live without you, So Jake will you marry me." I said as tears fell from my eyes, he walks over to me and kisses me on the lips with so much passion I knew my answer right there.

"YES! Do you know how long I have been waiting for you to ask?" He said pulling apart from me with a slight chuckle. I grab the ring off the table and place it on his finger.

"So…. Mr. Garcia What do you want to do know?" I said

"Oh what makes you think I'm taking your last name?" he asked, I looked at him and frowned. "I'm just kidding babe, I'll be happy to take your last name." he said with a smile and I pulled him into a kiss, we reluctantly broke apart for air.

"I love you." I whispered in his ear.

"I love you too care-bear." He said I couldn't help but smile at the nickname that's the first time he's ever called me that other than when he said the nickname while he was sleeping.,

*******Time jump 2days****- ****still Carlos Flashback*******

"Babe why don't you believe me." I said trying to make him believe that I didn't cheat on him with Jo Taylor one of the girls that James always bring over here.

"I…I...I just can't, why was she in your lap? I thought you loved me, I loved you, I still love you but… I just can't handle this right now." Jake said trying to hold back the tears.

"You… have to believe my…Please believe me I didn't do anything with her I love you baby…" I tailed off not being able to finish because I was crying to hard.

"I'm sorry but I have to go." He said walking out the door.

'What just happened' I thought 'should I go after him?' 'Yes! Dumbass go after him what if he does something stupid' my thought argued back and forth. I looked at the clock 'Holyshit it's already been 30 minutes since he left. 'I mentally slapped myself as I made my way out of the apartment, I stopped because there was something taped to my door I pulled it off, it was from Jake.

_Carlos I'm sorry but I don't know if I can ever believe you, I still love you with all my heart, this is the hardest thing to write, I'm sorry but this is my final goodbye to everyone I hope your happy with Jo now, I'm sorry that I wasn't the one that could make you happy anymore, I'm sorry but I hope you understand, I love you care-bear forever & always. –love Jake. _

I just stare at the note in shock 'why would he do this? Where is he? I have to find him!' I yelled at myself as I run out of the apartment building wondering where he could be, and then it hit me, I started to run to Rocque Records, why well for one that's the first place he called me care-bear and that was the only time until he said it in the note. I finally made it to Rocque Records standing at the entrance trying to catch my breath but I know I don't have much time so I run inside to the elevator and pressed the 15th floor button, five minute later the elevator door dinged and the doors opened I ran to the stairwell and up the flight of stairs to the roof. Opening the door to the roof, I had to blink several time to readjust my eyes to the bright light and what I see makes my heart break, Jake is standing at the edge of the roof about to jump.

"NO! Please Jake just listen to me!" I scream running where he is standing.

"NO Carlos I'm sorry but I can't do it anymore." He said starting to cry.

"Please bab.." I tried to say but was cut off.

"No you can't call me that anymore _Carlos._" He spat out.

"Fine if you jump I'm going to too." I said standing on the ledge.

"Why would you jump? You have everything you want, you have Jo now you don't need me nobody needs me." He said glaring at me, I subconsciously gulped.

"But I don't want her I want the person I love and will always love until the day I die and that is you babe, I swear I didn't do anything with that Jo character, I love you and nobody else, I would rather die than see you in pain and it kills me Knowing I caused you to feel like this, it breaks my heart I don't know what I would do if I ever lost you babe… Please baby don't do this." I said tearing up as I see him step off the ledge and so do I, he pulls me into a hug and he cry's harder than before.

"I'm sorry I don't know what I was thinking." He said as he tried to stop crying. "I'm sorry I didn't believe you." He said looking down.

"It's okay but don't ever scare me like that again." I said tilting his head up so he can look at me and so I can give him a kiss. "Babe I think um…you need help." I said quietly

"…I know." He said holding me tighter.

*******End Flashback*******

**James' P.O.V**

So, I'm driving to the Palm woods' mental institution with Carlos. He's going to visit his fiancée, Jake, who hasn't been there that long. I, on the other hand, am on my way to see one of my closest friends, Erin. She's been in there for almost three weeks, and I visit her every other day. She's been my friend since we were little because our parents were friends. I've been there since she first showed signs of depression. I was there on the good days and the bad days, never leaving her side. This past year she's been in and out of mental hospitals because she keeps trying to commit suicide. There has been a constant look of pain in her eyes for the past couple of years, but it was never as bad as after she had tried and failed to end her life, each time. It killed me inside because I love her, she's my best friend, and for a long time I've wanted to be so much more.

***flashback***

I woke up this morning in a great mood because I'm going over to surprise Erin for her birthday. I set up a whole day full of activities for the two of us, just to make this birthday special for her. I'm even thinking about telling her how I truly feel about her to make today even more special. I've called her about five times already today, but there's been no answer and it's had me on edge, but I put the fear I had in the back of my head, and just focused on the day ahead, and the smile I was going to put on Erin's face. I started driving over to her house and stopped by a flower shop to pick her up a dozen purple tulips, her favorite color.

When I got to her house, I knocked, but there was no answer, I got this strange feeling that something bad was going to happen but I just shrugged it off and opened the door , using the spare key her parents had given me. "Erin," I called out. I got no response, so I went upstairs to her room. "Hey, birthday girl?" I said again, as I walked down the hall. I knocked on her door, quickly and then opened it, and my heart stopped in horror. I ran over to her as she hung in the middle of her room. I ran up to her and her face was emptied of any emotions. I felt myself begin to cry but I forced the tears back lifting Her up and her head out of the noose and laid her on the floor. I couldn't remember how to check her pulse the way they taught us in school, so I quickly put my head to her chest to listen for a heartbeat and breathing. Luckily I got both, and then I called 911.

The paramedics got to her house within ten minutes, and it was the longest ten minutes of my life. They were just beginning to check her heart rate and everything when her eyes fluttered open. I was standing behind the people crowding around her, out of the way, but I saw her take in her surroundings and begin to cry. I wanted so bad to go and hold her and tell her everything would be okay, but I knew that she was crying because she was a live, and nothing I do or say can bring comfort to her for that, so I stayed back and watched as they carted out my love.

I stayed at her house for a while after the ambulance left, falling to my knees and letting out the tears I had forced back the whole time. Eventually I got up and got in my car and made my way to the hospital. Once I got there, I called her parents to let them know what happened, and then I went and found out what room she was in. When I got there, she was awake, and she was still crying. I walked over to her and hugged her. She slumped against me and continued crying. "I don't want to feel like this anymore, James." She finally said.

"I can't lose you, though." I whispered to her, knowing she meant it this time.

She stayed quiet for a minute and finally she moved away from me, looking into my eyes, "I'm going to try this time. I'll try and get passed this."

***end flashback***

She decided that she needed to stay in the institution longer than the required three days and try and get help. She says the therapy in there is helping, and I go and visit her for support. Each time I go to see her I want to spill my heart and tell her how I feel, but each time I chicken out, making some excuse to not tell her. I think I'm going to do it today, though.

"JAMES!" Carlos yelled breaking me out of my thoughts his hands where on the steering wheel as the car swerved out of the way of the semi-truck, I was breathing erratic. "You okay." He said as I grabbed the wheel again and finally pulled into palm wood mental institution.

"Yeah I'm fine. Are you?...sorry" I said parking the car and getting out.

"Yeah I'm good, are you sure you're okay?" he asked walking to the entrance of palm wood mental institution, all I did was nod my head and we made our way inside the building.

"Visiting hours will start in five minutes." It said over the loud speaker. We walked over to the reception desk.

"Hello, can I help you with something?" Asked a young nurse what I haven't seen before 'She must be new' I thought to myself. She couldn't be any old than 19-20 years old, her name was Jordan, well that's what her name tag said.

"Hello Jordan, I'm here to see my friends Erin and he's here to see his fiancé Jake." I said pointing to Carlos.

"Aw that's sweet, okay follow me." She said getting up out of her chair and walking down the hall.

"Are you new? I haven't seen you here before." I asked

"Yes I am, I just started the other day, my friend asked me to take up this job so I can look after his best friend." She said opening the door to the visiting section.

"Oh that awesome. Do you like it here?" Carlos asked jumping into the conversation.

"Actually I do, Even though there are some rough days I still like it here there are a lot of nice people here." She said. "I would love to stay and chat but I have work to do. They will be out here in a minute." She said walking away after we thanked her. We just sat in silence until people started to flood the room, me and Carlos started to look for Jake and Erin.

"Hey I see Erin." Carlos said pointing in the direction, I turned to see where he's pointing and I see her, we lock eyes and I see a real smile spread across her face what I haven't seen in a long time. Carlos nudges me telling me to go, so I walk over to her and pull her into a tight hug.

**CARLOS POV**

After I sent James over to Erin, I went back to scanning the room for Jake. As I was looking around the room for a couple of minutes, still not seeing the familiar face, I stared to stare at this pale brunet he was kind of cute with his corked smile, when he looked my way with his beautiful brown eyes I smiled at him and he blushed but turned away after about a minute I was going to look for Jake but I felt a pair of hands slide around my waist and lock in front of me. I looked down quickly, but then smiled seeing the ring I had given Jake. I turned around in his firm hold, to finally see the face I've been looking for then leaned in and softly touched my lips to his. He pushed his lips harder to mine, leaning into the kiss. He held me tighter as he parted his lips against my mouth in the hopes of deepening the kiss. I, too, parted my lips, but slightly moved to bite his lower lip. He let out a slight moan and gripped tightly at the sides of my shirt. I smiled into the kiss before gently pulling away.

"Hey care-bear," He said smiling, a blush tinting his cheeks.

I laughed and leaned in and briefly touched our lips together again. "Hey babe," I said. I pulled completely away from him this time, only grabbing his hand, to lead him over to a bench, where we could sit and talk. "How're you doing, Jake?" I asked, as I sat down and pulled him close to me.

"I'm good; I just want to be home." Jake laid his head on my shoulder as he answered.

"I know. I want you home too; I really miss you." I said, resting my head on top of his. "But I think this place is good for you, right now." Jake just sighed and nodded his head. I know he doesn't want to be here, but I don't want him on the verge of jumping off a building again, so we have no other choice. "So, what'd you do here today?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

He grabbed my hand and started drawing circles on it with his fingers. "Nothing really. We had group not too long ago. Erin finally shared, and it was extremely sad. I think everyone in the room wanted to just run across the room and hug her, even I did, and I already knew her story." He said in a matter of fact tone.

"Yeah, well it is pretty sad," I responded, looking up and seeing James and Erin right across the room from us. They were sitting next to each other talking, and both of them were smiling and laughing. "Do you ever think they'll just admit that they're in love with each other and go out? Just be done with the whole trying to 'keep it a secret' thing." I asked Jake. I felt him life his head, searching for who I was talking about.

He laughed when he realized who I was talking about. "They're both pretty stubborn, so who knows." I laughed with him, completely agreeing. Jake leaned forward, now focusing on something.

"What are you looking at?" I asked, my eyes trying to follow his intense stare.

"You see that giant over there?" He said, pointing.

I knew who he meant; the guy towered over just about everyone here. "The cute one?" I blurted out, and winced at my own stupidity. I shifted my gaze to Jake. He glared at me and I smiled weakly.

He laughed at my reaction, "Yes, the 'cute' one. Well, the woman he's with, she's my nurse; every time I have to see the doctor she's the nurse I happen to get." Jake said.

"She's visiting a patient in here?" I asked, not really expecting an answer.

"I guess. Come on," Jake said, getting up and pulling me along with him. "I want to introduce you to her before she leaves."

I got up and followed him over; well really he dragged me over, same difference. As we approached them I realized the man looked even taller. "Excuse me, Nurse Gen?" Jake said and the little woman turned around.

A wide smile crossed her face, "Oh, hey Jake." She paused for a moment, then gestured to gigantor behind her. "This is my fiancé, Jared. Jare, this is Jake. He's a patient here at the hospital; I've known him for a few months now."

Jared smiled brightly and both Jake and I, then focused on Jake. "Yeah, we had group together, right?" He asked in a friendly voice.

Jake nodded his head, "Yeah, with Misha," he said just as friendly as Jared had.

"I didn't know you were here," Nurse Gen said, and her facial expression had changed. She was clearly young, but she had this look of a concerned mother while talking to Jake.

I could tell Jake had felt the same way because he hung his head slightly before answering. "Yeah, a lot has happened this week. But that story is for another time." I squeezed his hand that I was still holding. Jake lifted his head and smiled. "I wanted you to meet my fiancé. Gen, this is Carlos." His hand left mine and he grabbed arm and pulled me in front of him.

Gen's face went from concerned to happy instantly. "Ah, so you finally popped the question?" She smiled brightly at me.

I blushed slightly and nodded my head. "Took him long enough," I heard Jake mumble behind me. My face felt like it was on fire, so I threw an elbow back and elbowed him in his side.

Gen laughed at us, "Well, it's nice to finally meet you." She smiled brightly as she stuck out her hand.

"Yeah, it's nice to meet you too, Gen." I replied, shaking her hand.

"Well, I'm going to spend the last few minutes of visiting time with my fiancé," He drew out the word for emphasis. "I just wanted to you meet the man you've heard so much about." He finished, as he grabbed my hand in his again and laced our fingers together. I smiled at both Gen and Jared before we turned and began to walk away. "See you later," Jake turned and called back to Jared.

As we walked back to where we were sitting before, the same voice from earlier boomed over the intercom, "The visiting hour is coming to an end. Five minutes left of this visiting period."

I stopped us where we were and wrapped my arms around his waist, pulling him closer to me. He smiled and moved his arms over my shoulders and wrapped them around my neck. Then his smile faded. "I don't want you to go," he whispered.

I tightened my arms around him and sighed, "I know. I don't want to leave you here." He rested his head on my shoulder, and I kissed his cheek. "But I'll see you in a couple of days, and you can call me anytime between now and then."

He lifted his head and pressed his lips to mine. We stayed like that for a while, in each other's embrace, while other visitors were leaving around us. After a few minutes, that did not seem long enough, I pulled my lips away from Jakes.

I was about to say something, but I heard James' annoying voice behind me. "Sorry to interrupt, love birds, but we have to go."

"Leave them alone," I heard Erin say, and then James laughed.

I sighed and pulled away from Jake. I turned to James, just about ready to hit him when Erin beat me to it. "Sorry guys," she said, turning to me and Jake. "I just wanted to come over and say hi, and bye, before you guys left."

I quickly glared at James before smiling at Erin. "No worries," I said lightly as she walked up and hugged me.

I hugged her back, and she whispered to me, "Oh and congratulations on the engagement."

We both pulled away from the hug, and I smiled. "Thanks."

"Come on, James. I'll walk you to the door," Erin said, pulling James away from Jake and I. I pulled Jake back into my arms as they walked away.

"Bye Jake," James called back, without turning around.

"Bye," He called back.

I hugged Jake one last time. "Okay, now I have to go." I leaned in and kissed him.

"I know," He said when he pulled away from the lip lock. "I love you Carlos."

"I love you too, Jake. I'll see you later."

He just nodded as I walked away from him. As I got to the door, Erin and James were still standing there talking. "Bye Carlos," Erin said, as she started to walk away.

"Bye, Erin." I said then turned to James with a glare. "Let's go." I said, pushing him out of the doors.

He laughed and held the door open for me. As we walked through the hospital to the car, my anger towards James faded. I knew I was just upset about having to leave Jake here. I've been moody since the day we dropped him off, and I can't wait until he comes home and everything goes back to normal, and I can finally marry him.

James got into the driver's seat and I got into the passenger's seat. Before I shut my door I looked at James, "If you get us into an accident like you almost did on the way here, I will kill you."

He laughed, "Oh, shut up and get in the car."

**JAMES POV**

Walking over to Erin my eyes fell on to this blond with bushy eyebrows he looked very cute, I couldn't help but stare at him as our eyes meet he smirked at me and winked I couldn't help but blush as I turned away to go to Erin but she was standing right in front of me, I smiled and about to pull her into a hug but she pushed me away, I just looked at her confused and frowned at her.

"Why did u push me away like that?" I asked staring at her as a single tear rolls down her face.

"Who were you staring at?" She asked 'what the hell am I going to say' I mentally yelled at myself.

"Oh…no one" I said not convincing, she just shrugged and hugged me, how I would love to stay like this.

"Okay. So how are you?" she said pulling apart from me and taking a seat at one of the benches.

"Nothing, just comforting Carlos while Jake is in here." I said.

"Oh yeah. I've only heard bits of why he's here." She said, I knew she would find out sooner or later so I told her the whole story.

"What! They're getting married?" she whispered yelled.

"Yeah they are." I said smiling, I stopped smiling when she brought her hand up to her face, there were cuts on her arm, I grabbed her arm, "What's this?" I asked as she stared at me wide eyed.

"N…N…Nothing." She said looking down.

"Why are you doing this again?" I asked tilting her face up so she can look at me.

"I'm sorry… Do you hate me?" she asked starting to cry.

"No I could never hate you." I said. 'Because I love you.' I thought wishing I could just tell her.

"You don't?" she said sniffling a little bit.

"No." I said pulling her into a tight embrace. After I let go we continued to talk she told me that she shared her story during group today and then we just talked about random stuff. "The visiting hour is coming to an end. Five minutes left of this visiting period." We heard over the intercom, so we got up and walked over to Carlos and Jake. We all say our goodbyes and me and Carlos heads to the car, Carlos makes a stupid joke about not getting in a crash, I couldn't help think of that blond _god._

"Hey Carlos did you see that blond guy with bushy eyebrows?" I asked, I don't know what compelled me too.

"NO. But did you see that cute pale brunet?" He asked. "Shit" he said under his breath 'I guess he didn't want me to know he was looking at another guy' I thought.

"Carlos you're getting married you can't look at other guys like that." I said sternly.

"Well at least I'm not secretly in love with my best friend that's too scared to tell her" He spat.

"Well at least I can stare at other people and date other people because I'm not the one who's getting married." I spat back, I heard him sigh.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what's wrong with me, it's just not having him by my side makes me a different person." He said looking down, I kind of know how he feels.

"Don't worry he'll be out of there be for you know it." I said pulling the car into the drive way, looking at him and he's staring at me and he starts to lean in I was confused at first but I knew what he was doing I couldn't help but lean in too.

**HAHA So what do you guys think? Okay tell me who do you want to be together...**

**Oh so what's going to happen next? Remember next chapter is only Kendall's and Logan's POV! Oh did you read the other J2 fic that ties into this? **

**REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! Oh Drama alert soon lots of Drama and scandals. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **It took a long time to update this story, but there was a lot that had to be said.  
Okay, so this chapter starts off a few days before the first one and then catches up to where we are in the story, just so you can get a little back story on Logan and Kendall without having to do one big long flashback, because everything in the first couple of days is pretty important. So after this chapter everything should be all caught up and on the same page.

Also, this is connected to another story of mine entitled "Until Death Do us Part." It's a J2 fic that you do not need to read in order to understand this, but that is why there are actors from Supernatural scattered in throughout this story. Co-written by **bordoutofmymind**. You should definitely go read some of the stories he has. They're pretty damn awesome.  
Okay, without further ado, here is chapter two, enjoy.

* * *

**LOGAN POV**

Walking to Kendall's house to tell him how I actually feel about him. I've been in love with him since the first time I met him in 6th grade when he stopped Jett from bulling me, and ever since then we have been friends, but I've all was wanted to be more. When my parents died when I was 16, Kendall was there for me and he even convinced his mom to let me live with them so I wouldn't have to go into foster care and that made me love for him grow even stronger, 'I can't take it any longer I need to tell him' I thought to myself making my way up the stairs to his apartment. Kendall gave me a key so I could come over whenever I want, entering his apartment.

"Hey Kend…" I start to say as my eyes grow wide at the sight of my best friend kissing _Camille._

"Hey Logan what you doing here?" Kendall said.

"Oh…Just came by to see what you're up to." I lied. "So are you two dating now?" I asked wondering why they were kissing trying to keep my cool.

"Oh…Um I don't know if we are or not." He said as Camille left without saying a word to me.

"Oh okay well I need to get going I'll see you later. Bye Kendall." I said turning around and leave I heard Kendall said 'but you just got here,' but I just kept going. As I left the apartment complex I couldn't hold back the tears anymore.

Once I got in my car I started it right away, wiping the tears out of my eyes. My mind worked in over time thinking about what I just saw. _'Kendall's the only person I have,_' I kept thinking. It's true; he's the only person who has always been there for me. He was the reason I didn't kill myself after my parents died, but now what? What am I going to do now that the person I am in love with is with someone else?

All of those feelings and thoughts about just ending my life flared up in my thoughts and took them over. My eyes welled up with tears once more, blurring my vision, and I wiped them out of the way.

Once I pulled into my driveway, I quickly got out of the car and rushed into my home, fumbling with the keys at the door as the tears poured from my eyes. I shut the door behind me, not bothering to lock it, and went to the living room. I curled up into a ball on the couch and continued crying my eyes out.

All that kept running through my head was the image of Kendall kissing Camille. Each time I replayed it in my memory it hurt more and more.

I must have cried myself to sleep because I woke up, still on the couch in the dark. I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket and I pulled it out to look at it.

Kendall's name flashed across the screen, I ignored the call and saw that I had seven missed calls, five voicemails, and ten texts from him. I couldn't bring myself to reply to them, not now anyways. I locked my phone and tossed it beside me on the couch. I reached over to turn on the lamp, but the room remained dark.

I felt around on the couch and grabbed my phone. I used it as a light and shown it in the direction of the outlet to see that the cord was unplugged. I put my phone back on the couch and I reached down trying to put the prongs into the socket.

Something must have gone wrong because right as I was plugging it in, I felt a wave run through my entire body. I couldn't control the movements of my body, and before I knew it I was on the floor and darkness surrounded me once more, only this time it felt empty.

"Logan wake up, please wake up." I heard and it felt like a dream. "Logan, please wake up, just please be okay." The voice was pleading, but soft. "You can't go now, I need you here. You're my best friend, I can't lose you. Not now, not when I have so much I haven't told you; that I was too afraid to tell you. God, I'm stupid. Just wake up, Logan, and everything will be better." The voice was distorted by sobs and was strained into a heavy whisper, but I could recognize that voice anywhere; it was Kendall's voice.

'_What a weird dream,'_ was all I could think before silence and darkness surrounded me once more.

I felt something wrap around my hand. "Why isn't he awake yet? I thought you said it wasn't that bad!" Yelling filled the room and the grip around my hand grew tighter.

"People recover at different rates; you need to be patient, sir." A calm but stern voice said.

In return to the calm voice was another yell. "He's laying here in this hospital bed in a fucking **coma**, when you said the damages weren't that bad! Three days later, he's still in a coma, so I'll let him be calm right now, while I freak the fuck out, thank you!" The familiarity of the voice hit me; no mistaking it, this was Kendall. A very upset Kendall, but him none the less.

"Sir, you do need to be calm. We cannot rush his recovery; that will do no one any good. He will come to when his body is good and ready." The calm voice said and then a door shut.

'_This dream just keeps getting weirder and weirder,'_ I couldn't help but think_. 'What has Kendall so upset? I've never heard him yell at someone like that. And who's in a coma? What could possibly possess me to dream of something like this?'_ My thoughts were running wild, but they all amounted to one thing. _'Kendall.'_

_Kendall. _

"Logan?" I heard him almost shout.

"Kendall?" I tried to say, but it came out raspy and near non-existent.

"Logan! Oh my god, I thought you'd never wake up! Open your eyes, Logie, open your eyes." His voice boomed in my ear, although his tone was different than the last time he was yelling. His words weren't filled with rage, but with joy.

'_Open my eyes? This is a dream, right?'_ I thought as his voice repeated, "Come on, I heard you talk, you said my name, just open your eyes." His voice was pleading once again, but there was still a hint of joy in his voice. Maybe not joy, maybe it was hope. Either way, he sounded much happier than he did just a moment ago.

I began to open my eyes, and quickly the darkness I had become so accustomed to was replaced by very bright lights. I shut my eyes, quickly and squeezed them shut. I tried again, this time slower, allowing my eyes a moment to adjust.

Once they did, they settled upon the only face I wanted to see: Kendall.

He had a huge smile on his face and tears in his eyes. The warmth I had felt on my hand left as he threw his arms around me and pulled me into a hug.

'_Was he holding my hand?'_ My thoughts screamed in my head.

"Hey Kendall," I said a little confused, my voice still raspy because of a dry throat.

"Oh my god, Logan, I didn't think you were going to wake up? What the hell happened? Why didn't you answer my calls after you left my house?" He shot out question after question without leaving me time to answer, let alone comprehend what was happening.

"Ken, you need to slow down," I said trying to interrupt him, but he continued talking.

"Oh, are you okay? Should I go get a nurse? Are you in pain? I'll go see if they have any medicine for that." He said quickly then let go of me and began walking out of the room.

"Kendall stop!" I yelled, hurting my throat, and he finally turned and looked at me. "What is going on? Why are you freaking out? And where am I?" I asked him, slowly.

He walked up to me and put his hand on mine again.

"You're in the hospital. You electrocuted yourself the other day. You've been out of it for about three days now. Logan, do you remember what happened?" He asked, concern filling in his voice.

I remember leaving his house crying because he was kissing Camille, and driving home. I also remember thinking a lot about killing myself. "Oh my god, did I try to kill myself?" I screamed out in realization.

Kendall's eye widened. "You did what? Why?"

The words flew out of my mouth before I could stop them. "I remember going to your house and seeing you and Camille kissing, then leaving right after. I was crying and I was upset and I remember feeling exactly how I felt after my parents died. All I wanted to do was die; that's the last thing I remember: thinking of ways to die. But electrocution? I don't remember thinking about that."

I knew I was rambling, but my mind was on overload and I couldn't stop. Not until I looked up at Kendall and saw him silently freaking out. "But why? Why would you want to kill yourself?" His voice was broken and low. His eyes were torn and he looked on the verge of tears.

I wanted to lie to him, so bad. I wanted to tell him something that had absolutely nothing to do with him, and just move on from this. I had already shared too much because I don't have a damn filter on my mouth, but not this time. Now I have the control to tell a bold faced lie that will be better for both of us in the long run. "I saw you and Camille kissing, and it broke my heart because it should have been me. I took off because I couldn't face you after that, not when I've had such strong feelings for so long and in one second the person I love and want to be with is kissing someone else. I just couldn't do it."

'_What the fuck? Could I not just keep one fucking thing to myself? No, I had to go and spill my heart out to him and probably ruin our friendship forever. Nice going Logan.' _

My mind continued beating itself up until Kendall said the last thing I had expected. "Dude, if you like Camille, go for it. I don't like her like that anyway. The kiss just kind of happened, and neither of us really expected it or felt anything from it. If you want her, go for it man, you deserve to be happy." His eyes faltered as he said this, and he looked even more torn than a moment ago.

"You think I like Camille?" I asked incredulously, and I regretted the words immediately. _'I was safe! He didn't know I was talking about him, but I ruined that now. Fuck.' _

"Dude, you just said you love her." He said, looking at me I was finally feeling the effects of the accident.

I shook my head, "No. I just said I love you."

**Kendall's P.O.V**

I just stared at him wide-eyed, _'this can't be happening, he must be kidding'_ I thought to myself.  
"You're kidding right?" I said, he shook his head no. "What the fuck Logan." I yelled, I saw him flinch but I didn't care I was too angry. "I'm not gay. And if I was why would I want to be with you." I spat.

"I'm…sorry" He said looking down accidently, my anger fading away when I saw him start crying. _'How can I be so stupid'_ I mentally yelled. "No. Logan I should be the one to say sor-" I tried to say but was cut off.

"No., I get it Kendall just fucking leave like everyone does, I never want to see you again, just…just leave." He yelled through sobs.

"No! Logan Listen to me, I'm not going anywhere you understand me." I said sternly putting my hand on his shoulder. "Logan you're my best friend, I'm sorry I just yelled at you, I don't know what came over me, and I am truly sorry, I'm not going to leave you." I said, pulling him into a quick hug as he nodded his head. "I think when you're released from the hospital we need to get you some professional help."

"Yeah I think you're right." he said.

"I'm always right." I said smugly.

"Don't push it Knight." He said elbowing me in the side.

After about an hour Logan fell asleep, I creped out of the room making sure not to wake him up, pulling my phone out of my pocket I decided to call on of my close friends, Jordan, to see if she would be able to get a job at the palm-woods mental institution.

"Hello."

"Hey it's me, Kendall."

"Oh hey what's up?"

"Nothing much, but can you do me a huge favor?" I said in a begging tone.

"Um…What is it?" She asked.

"Well I was kind of wondering if you could get a job at the Palm-woods mental institution." I said pleading; I heard her sigh.

"Why?"

So I told her everything that has happened and that I needed her to take up the job to keep an eye on Logan just in case, after a lot of begging she finally agreed, saying she'd call in any favors she could to get a job there. After I hung up the phone I went back to the room to see that Logan is still asleep, sitting down on one of the chairs my eyes started to feel heavier as they slowly closed and I drifted off to sleep.

The next afternoon Logan got released from the hospital I told him how we were going to the palm-woods metal institution, he just simply nodded his head looking out the window of the car not saying a word at all. We finally made it there after 20 minutes of driving silently, after I parked the car I texted Jordan telling her I'm here and she replied back saying she would be there in 10 minutes.

I sighed knowing full well I should talk to him before she gets here. "Hey," I said softly, he turned to face me, I could see how scared he is right now. "Logan everything is going to be okay." I said sternly.

"How do you know Kendall? How can you be so sure? You don't know anything. What if they can't fix me? What if I try to do it again? Huh? What then?" He said on the verge of tears.

"Logan look at me." I said tilting his head so he could look at me. "I know because you're you, Logan you can get though anything, all always be by your side no matter what, you understand me?" I said as he nodded his head, I pulled him into a tight hug that meant everything will be okay. I think he knew what I was trying to say because he stopped crying.

We pulled apart and my phone vibrated I looked at the screen seeing I had at text from Jordan saying she was here, we got out of the car, I told him one last time that everything will be alright and with that we proceeded to the entrance.

Walking up to the doors we see Jordan standing there looking at me and kind of glaring at Logan but I just shrug it off, I see Logan look at me confused.

**Logan's P.O.V**

'_What is she doing here?'_ I thought to myself when I looked in front of me and saw Jordan standing there.

When Kendall looked at me, I grabbed his arm, stopping him before we got to her. "I'm telling you, Logan, it'll be okay." He said, continuing to reassure me.

I shook my head, "No, Ken. What is she doing here?"

He looked up at Jordan and back to me, "Oh uh, she might work here." He said, looking away from me. "Come on, let's go in."

I was stunned. Jordan is one of Kendall's friends who I've only met a few times, but in those few times it's been clear she really doesn't like me. Every time we'd seen each other, each time I'd look at her, my stare would be met with a glare. It's always been obvious to me that she has feelings for Kendall, and I guess it's always been obvious to her that I've had feelings for him as well. I suppose the only one oblivious to all of this was Kendall.

I shook my head at him, stopping him from moving forward. "No, Kendall. What do you mean, she 'might' work here?" I asked, getting upset.

"She applied for a job here," He shrugged.

I looked at him as though he was stupid, and he cocked his head to the side, "What?"

"Never mind," I spat. "Let's go," I said full of anger as I stormed towards the institution, returning Jordan's glare.

"Hey Jordan," Kendall said happily as we walked in, grabbing my arm tightly to keep me there, before he hugged her.

She hugged him back, "Hey Kendall." I rolled my eyes, wanting to walk away. "Hey Logan," Jordan said, pulling away from Kendall with an edge to her voice.

I nodded and smiled. I know I was being rude, but I couldn't help it.

"Okay, so my shift starts in about twenty minutes," She said, looking back at Kendall.

His eyes widened and a smile crossed his face, "You got the job!" And he pulled her into another hug.

I rolled my eyes, and started to walk to the front desk alone.

"Logan," I heard Kendall call but I kept walking. A few seconds later he was at my side with his hand on my arm. I turned to look at him, fury in my eyes. He winced back a little, shocked at my expression, then regained his composure. "What's wrong with you?"

"Did you have her get a job here to look after me?" I hissed and shock ran across his face.

"Logie," He began.

"No, Kendall, don't say _'Logie'_ in that voice and expect this to be okay with me. I'm here to get help, but I don't need a fucking babysitter, one that hates me, no less." I said sharply whispering so no one would hear our conversation.

"It's not a babysitter, Logan, she needed a job, and they had an opening here. And she doesn't hate you," Kendall said, trying to soothe me.

It didn't work. "Bullshit." I said flatly and turned to walk to the desk. Once again, Kendall was at my side. "Knight, you'd better go away," I warned as we approached the desk.

"Logan, hear me out, okay," He said, pulling me away from the desk so we could talk. "Okay, so what, I asked her to try and get the job here so she could watch out for you. Sue me for wanting to be sure that you're getting better. Logan, you're my best friend, and I'll do whatever I have to, to make sure that you're okay. I'm not going to lose you, Logan, so If you're going to be mad, be mad, but I know I'm doing the right thing by having Jordan here; for me and you. I know someone is watching out for you, and you aren't all alone in here." He finished, looking at me as if he'd won the argument.

"The one thing wrong with your 'perfect plan' is Jordan **doesn't like me. **And quite frankly, I don't like her either. It doesn't help, it just makes things worse." I said crossing my arms over my chest, contemplating walking away again. I decided against it because if I did, he would just drag me away again, so it would be pointless.

He sighed, "She doesn't dislike you; you guys just don't know each other. Now's the chance for you to get to know each other, two birds with one stone." He smiled, and pulled me in for a hug when I rolled my eyes and turned to walk away. "It will work out for the best, Logie." He whispered in my ear, causing chills to run down my spine.

After Kendall exploded at me for confessing my love for him, I've been trying to fight back my feelings for him, and him pulling shit like this to piss me off does a pretty good job of it, but when he wraps his arms around me the feelings hit me again.

I hugged him back, "Okay, Kendall. I hope you're right."

We pulled apart just slightly and our eyes locked. If life went how I wanted it to, I would have tilted my head up slightly and our lips would have met. But life doesn't go how I want it to, so after a moment, I completely pulled away from him and we walked to the front desk, where Jordan was now sitting.

As we approached the desk, Jordan dropped a clipboard with what seemed like a ton of papers on it for me to fill out, and turned to the nurse beside her who was running through everything she needed to know.

I walked away from the desk to go sit down and fill out the papers, and Kendall followed me.

He sat very close to me, with his arm thrown over the back of my chair. I could feel the warmth of his body against mine, once again causing me to shudder. I glanced up and saw Jordan do a double take and glare at me before returning back to learning from the nurse.

"That's just great," I whispered to myself.

"What?" Kendall asked.

'_Fuck.'_ "Nothing," I answered.

He leaned in and looked at the paperwork I was filling out, "Need any help?" He asked, eyeing it.

With each breath I took, I was inhaling his scent and it was intoxicating. I would have loved nothing more than to always be this close to Kendall.

_You're joking, right? I'm not gay! _

The memory of him screaming these words at me brings me back to reality. I moved away from him slightly. "Kendall, it's going to be hard enough in here as it is, with Jordan. I know you say she doesn't hate me, but I say she does. And you being close to me in front of her is not going to make it easier on me."

He looked extremely confused. "What are you talking about?"

I sighed. "It's just easier if you go over there and get whatever information you can about my stay here from Jordan and relay it back to me. I'll finish the paperwork up here."

He looked at me with a strange expression for a moment before he nodded, stood up and walked over to Jordan.

I buried my face in my hands for a moment before quickly going through all of the paperwork in front of me. Once I finished, I got up and went over to the desk to give Jordan the clipboard.

"Okay, I'm going to take these back and start to get them processed, then we'll both get a tour of the place, and Kendall you can come back during the visiting hour tomorrow."

Kendall said goodbye to her before she went into a door behind the desk, and I started walking him towards the exit, not wanting him to have to leave.

He went through what she had told him about when visitors are allowed, and the seventy-two hour minimum stay here. After he had quickly gone through that, my eyes must have given away how much I did not want to do this.

"It will be okay," he said pulling me into a tight hug.

I wrapped my arms around his waist, holding him to me. "You don't know that."

He lowered his head a little bit so his mouth was at my ear as he whispered, "Of course I do, you'll be fine, Logie."

I pulled back slightly to look at him, maybe to see if his eyes would betray the confidence in his voice, but they didn't. His arms were still around my neck and shoulders, and mine around his waist, and he leaned forward and our lips met. The kiss was soft and gentle, but his lips were gone soon after they met mine.

We stood there, our bodies still touching, but our faces pulled away looking at each other. A blush covered his cheeks. "Kend-"

"Logan, come on," I heard Jordan say, and we broke apart fast.

"I'll see you tomorrow Logan," Kendall said quickly and turned to leave.

I stood there frozen for a moment before turning to face Jordan, who probably just saw Kendall kiss me. I slowly walked over to her. "You ready?" She asked, and I nodded my head. And we allowed the Nurse to lead us around the facility and tell us where everything was. I avoided talking to or even looking at Jordan, but each time our eyes would happen to meet, her face would go cold as if her eyes were bearing into my soul and ripping it to shreds. These were looks I would rather not have to face, but the more pressing issue at the moment was '_why the fuck did Kendall kiss me?'_

Finally I was shown to my room, after being explained the normal routine here; the group, the therapy, and the visiting hour, but seeing as I was admitted after all of that, I would start with it tomorrow. I collapsed on my bed, seeing there was another bed in the room. '_Great I have a roommate.' _ I said to myself as I threw my arms over my head to cover my face. I closed my eyes tight and allowed my mind to wander.

"Hello?" I heard a voice question from the other side of the room.

I moved my arms and sat up. "Hey, I'm Logan." I said in a friendly tone, forcing a smile.

He walked in slowly and sat at the edge of his bed. "Hi, I'm Jake."

"I guess I'm your new roommate." I said filling in the awkward silence.

"Oh, that's cool. When did you get here? Did they show you around?" He asked, starting to relax a little.

"Uh, not too long ago; and yeah I got showed around."

"Okay. Well, most of the people are in the rec room, I can introduce you to a friend of mine, if you'd like." He offered.

"Oh sure, that'd be nice, thanks." I answered and both of us got up and I followed him out of the room.

As we walked to the rec room, we were both quiet. "Erin, this is Logan. He's my new roommate."

The dark skinned girl reached out a hand, and with a smile said, "Hi Logan."

I reached out and shook her hand, returning the smile, "Hi Erin, nice to meet you."

"We were just about to watch some random movie. It probably sucks, but at least it's something. Wanna join?" She asked, sitting down and gesturing to a couple open seats.

I nodded my head, "Sure, sounds fun." I said sitting down beside her.

We spent the next couple of hours watching a really horrible movie, and laughing all the way through it.

After the movie was over we all went to our respective rooms. After Jake and I got dressed for bed and laid down on our beds, he broke the silence. "So, how'd you do it?"

The questioned confused me at first, but then I understood. "I uh.. I electrocuted myself." I said quietly.

"You what?" He asked, alarmed.

"Yeah, I don't know how I did it. I can't remember. One second I'm seriously contemplating suicide, then the next I'm in the hospital." I replied.

"Wow, that's," he trailed off, trying to find the right words to use, "intense."

I nodded my head, still laying on my back looking at the ceiling. "Yeah, but it wasn't too bad. I didn't suffer from any bad burns, and no brain damage. The only thing is I can't remember anything from a few hours before I did it, and then I was unconscious for about three days." I explained, calmly.

Jake was silent for a while, and then out of the corner of my eye I saw him shift and he was laying on his side looking at me. "Why did you want to kill yourself?" He asked, softly.

My story came out like word vomit. "I was going to confess my love for my best friend, but as I walked in, I saw him kissing someone else." I paused, realizing that it sounds so childish, and quickly amending it. "He is pretty much the only person I have. He's always been there for me and over the years it has killed me not to say anything to him about how I feel. And then once I finally got up the courage to do it, and was confident about it, his tongue was down some bitch's throat." I sighed. "I just lost it. I couldn't see him with her, not when it was so close to being me, so I left. And then I realized, not seeing him meant I once again had no one." I finally stopped, wiping the tears from my eyes before they could fall down my cheeks.

He allowed me time to compose before asking me more questions. "What's the last thing you remember?"

I paused for a second, thinking about how nosy this guy was, but at the same time, I didn't care. It was nice to have someone to talk to about this. "I was in the car, crying, thinking about dying."

"Maybe.." He trailed off and I turned on my side to face him as well. "Maybe you didn't try to kill yourself."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, not understanding what he was saying.

He sat up and looked at me. "Hear me out. I thought about it long and hard before I decided to go and kill myself. It wasn't on a whim, and it's the same with everyone else in here. I see you were devastated, but something about you seems like you would have thought about it a lot longer before doing it." He reasoned.

I understood what he was saying, but the pieces of the puzzle fit together perfectly how they were, so it must be right. I shook my head. "When it comes to affairs of the heart, I'm not my rational self though. All I know it how I felt prior to the electrocution, and now I'm here." I shrugged.

Jake sighed, "Okay." And he laid back don on his bed.

"What about you?" I asked.

"Oh, long story short. I got jealous and concerned that my fiancé was cheating on me and it got to the point where I was about to jump off of a building. But he stopped me." He said nonchalantly as my jaw dropped. I stared at him with hide eyes until he finally turned his head and looked at me. He shrugged. "I get kind of dramatic when it comes to the people I love; person I love; well just him actually. He's the only one I love enough to make me go crazy like this," He ended with a sigh.

I shook my head then laid back on my back.

I fell asleep soon after, and awoke to Jake shaking my shoulder. "Come have breakfast with Erin and I."

I whipped the sleep out of my eyes before nodding my head. "Mmmkay. Give me a minute?"

He nodded his head and walked away as my whole body stretched out. I got up and went to the bathroom before going to have breakfast with Jake and Erin.

We sat there for a while as they asked me about when my group and therapy sessions were and with who. As I told them they both smiled and told me they have the same group, with Misha, right before visiting hour.

After we ate, I went and took a shower and got dressed before going to see my therapist.

The conversation was very similar to the conversation I had with Jake last night, but I was less open with him. Jake asked because he cared to know, it was more like us becoming friends. This doctor just asks because it's his job, and it made me hold back.

Right after the horrid therapy session, I went to have lunch with Jake and Erin. They both noticed that I wasn't in a good mood. "So, after this we have group with Misha and then it's the visiting hour." Erin said with a smile on her face. "Is someone going to come and visit?" She asked.

"Yeah… No.. I don't know, actually." I said, the mixture of the image of Kendall kissing me and then the one of him screaming at me that he wouldn't want me running through my head.

"What about your friend you told me about?" Jake asked.

I shook my head. "Yeah, well if anyone does visit me it will be him, but I just don't know anymore." I said quietly lowering my head.

They both took the hint and stopped talking about it.

We soon went to the group therapy and found our seats around the room, the tree of us sitting together.

I listened to a couple of people share their stories; and they nearly brought me to tears for two reasons. One being that so many people are hurting so much and they see no hope in the situation, and feel that they just need to kill themselves to better the lives of everyone else, including their own. And the second because now I see that when I get like this, I'm not alone, and that hit me hard. I thought about sharing my story, but decided against it, even though everyone here was very supportive, I wasn't ready.

I walked with Erin and Jake to the tables to wait for the visitors to come in. We dispersed once we got to the room, each person heading to where they meet their visitor. I just waited in the middle of the room, not sure if Kendall was going to show up.

Then, out of the corner of my eye I saw the tall blonde and I turned to get a better view. He was talking to Jordan. I sighed and sat down, figuring if he even came to talk to me, he would find me.

After a few minutes, I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Hey Logie," said the familiar voice softly.

I didn't want to look up at him just yet, so I kept my eyes on my fiddling thumbs, "Hey Kendall."

He sat down next to me. "How's it going in here?" His voice was soft, as though he was trying to be careful. Although I should have welcomed the gesture, it only infuriated me.

"Don't talk to me like I'm going to snap at any second, Kendall!" I barked at him.

He winced at the volume of my voice, and rubbed his hand in circles on my back, trying to calm me down. "Well, Logan, when you snap at me like that, how am I supposed to talk to you? Do you want me to yell back; because I sure as hell don't want to get into a fight with you right now." He said, sharply.

I sighed and the anger subsided quickly. "I'm sorry Kendall. You've kind of got me going crazy here." I said honestly.

"What are you talking about?" he asked genuinely, causing me to stare at him with wide eyes.

I felt the anger rising in me once again, and tears welled up in my eyes, but I fought them back. _'You will have control right now." _I thought to myself. "Why did you kiss me yesterday, Kendall?" I asked in a cold voice.

His eyes dropped, but I didn't move. I waited for his eyes to lock with mine again. Right as they did, he answered, "I don't know, I just did."

I shook my head, keeping eye contact, "Not good enough, Kendall. You all but ruined out friendship when you said you would never want me. You just about broke my heart, but you're my best friend and I decided I'll get over it. But then you up and kiss me? What the fuck?" I said, sternly.

"Logan, I.."

"Hey Logan," Jordan's voice rang out, causing me to glare up at her.

"What do you want?" I asked sharply and she glared down at me.

Kendall hit my back, causing Jordan to showcase a cocky grin. "What he means is, what's up, Jordan?"

I shot a glare to Kendall, wanting to say, _'No, what I mean is, go the fuck away.' _But I held my tongue, and forced a smile up at her.

She stayed for the remainder of the hour, clearly upsetting me, but neither of them paid me any attention. So I sat there looking around and someone caught my eye. He was this hot Latino, with short dark hair, amazing arms, and a smile that made me melt inside. "Whoa," I said out loud and Kendall looked at me.

"What?" He said, and my head snapped around to face him. I looked at him with questioning eyes, and he asked again, "You said 'whoa.' Why?"

I shrugged as innocently as possible. "No reason." I saw Jordan roll her eyes, and she started talking to Kendall again, so I turned my attention back to the sexy Latino across the room.

It took me a second to realize he was sitting with Jake. They were holding hands, and then started kissing. '_That's his fiancé.' _I made a mental note.

"Hey Jordan, it's great talking to you, but I want to say bye to Logan. I'll talk to you later, okay." I heard Kendall say, making me turn my head towards the two of them again. They hugged each other and Jordan walked away.

"Did you two have a nice conversation?" I asked sarcastically.

"Can't the two of you try to get along?" He sighed, sitting down beside me putting an arm over my shoulder.

"She hates me; I hate her. We have a mutual distaste for each other, can't we just leave it at that?" I asked with a smile.

He laughed and pulled me into a hug. I wrapped an arm around his waist, holding him to me. "Whoa," I heard him whisper, causing me to pull back and look at his face.

"'Whoa' what?" I asked. When he didn't answer I turned my head to follow his gaze. It fell upon a tall, long haired, perfect hair at that, dark skinned beauty across the room. He was talking to Erin. I turned back to Kendall, and cocked an eyebrow. "Wow." I said, and pulled free from him.

He snapped out of it and looked at me. "What?"

I shook my head, feeling an abundance of anger towards him, once again. "I've known you most of my life and I still haven't figured you out Kendall. One day you yell at me saying you're not gay, the next day you kiss me, and then the next day you're checking out another guy. I'm sorry, I'm just a little confused here." I said standing up.

"There are five minutes left of this visiting hour," Rang over the PA system.

Kendall grabbed my hand, "Sit back down."

I did as he said and softened my tone. "Kendall, I really just need to understand what's going on here. Not as the guy who has feelings for you, but also as your best friend. I'm still your best friend, right?" I asked, our hands still touching.

His grip tightened around my hand, sending chills down my back. He locked eyes with me, "Of course you are, Logan. You'll always be my best friend."

"Then tell me what's going on," I said in a whisper.

There was a pause that seemed to last forever, I was afraid someone was going to come and tell Kendall to leave before I could get my answer. "Logie, I just don't know how I feel."

I thought that over then asked him, "Ken, why'd you blow up at me like that when I told you how I felt, back at the hospital?"

"Logan, I really am so sorry about that. When you said that it caught me off guard, and I've been seeing guys differently lately and I don't know how I feel about it and then you said that and I freaked out. I really didn't mean to hurt your feelings, I swear." He said really fast and I put a hand on his shoulder.

"It's okay."

He sighed, "So," The word dragged on. "Logie, I.." And once again he was cut off.

"Kendall, it's time for you to go. You can come back and see Logan tomorrow." Jordan said, smiling sweetly to Kendall.

He nodded his head, "Okay, I just needed to say one thing," He said and turned to me.

"I'm sure it can wait until tomorrow," Jordan insisted, and this time Kendall sighed and stood up. _'Fuck.' _

I stood up, shooting daggers a Jordan as Kendall pulled me into a hug. I hugged him tightly. His mouth was close to my ear as he whispered, "Logie, you're my best friend and I love you. I'll come see you tomorrow." He then kissed my cheek quickly before pulling away.

I just stared at him with my jaw dropped as Jordan walked him out.

I caught another quick glance at Jake's fiancé as he left before heading back to my room.

That night after dinner, Jordan came to our room and gave Jake a little cup that had one pill in it and gave me one that had four in it. Jake and I both looked up at her. "Isn't four pills a bit too many?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, what is it for anyway?" I asked her.

She shook her head, "They're anti-depressants, and that is what your doctor prescribed for you."

Jake and I looked down at the pills I had. "They're four different types of pills though." I said, confused.

She shrugged. "I didn't prescribe them for you; I just have to make sure you take them. If you have a problem with it, take it up with your doctor tomorrow. Tonight, you have to take them all." She said, putting a hand on her wait, as if to say 'I'm waiting.'

I looked nervously at Jake who returned the look. Then I swallowed each pill. I saw her smirk as she turned and walked out, but I shrugged it off.

About ten minutes later the pills kicked in, and I was in a haze. My body felt difficult to move, and I was very happy that I was already in my bed.

"Hey, are you okay?" I heard Jake ask, but his voice was distorted and sounded distant.

I tried to reply but I couldn't form words.

Before I knew it darkness surrounded me.

I awoke in the morning the same way I had the previous morning; to Jake shaking my shoulder.

"Hey, are you okay?" He asked.

I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes, and nodded my head. "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"You scared me last night." He said taking a few steps back.

That statement confused me. "Uh, I don't know how but no, I'm fine." I said, looking at him like he was crazy.

"Okay good. You should really talk to your therapist about changing that prescription. That can't be good for you. Anyways, I'm going to go grab breakfast with Erin, you can join us when you wake up." Jake said walking out of the room.

'_Prescription? What prescription? How did I scare him?' _ My mind was going over everything Jake had just said to me. What was he talking about? I shook it off and went to go take a shower before grabbing breakfast with Erin and Jake.

As I left my room I passed Jordan who grinned at me.

'_What is going on?'_

* * *

**So, I know this is a really long chapter, but it needed to be to get all of the information out.  
****Now that everyone has been introduced and all of that jazz, the real drama can start happening.  
So, review review review! Let me know what you think of the characters and their initial relationships and where you see this story going, even if only from the intros.  
How do you like that it's set around suicide and mental institutions?  
Opinions, criticisms, predictions, anything. Just review.  
Thank you, for reading. Hopefully the next chapter will be put up relatively soon. .  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**So it took a little while getting this chapter posted.  
After some difficulties and distractions we finally got it done. This story is connected to another J2 fic that I am doing, entitled Until Death Do Us Part, which you do not have to read to understand this, but it is there if you feel like checking it out. Also, this story is co-written by bordoutofmymind, who has a few btr fics that are really awesome you should check out.  
**

**Since this is intertwined with a J2 fic, both Jared and Jensen are included in this story and are friends with the characters here. Just giving a heads up because I realized I didn't give both of them good introductions. **

**I don't think there's anything else to say, so yeah, enjoy and review! **

* * *

**JAMES POV**

Leaning into Carlos are lips touched softly as he wrapped his arms around my neck deepening the kiss, shoving his tongue down my throat; realization hit me I pushed him off of me and stared at him wide-eyed.

"What?" he said licking his lips coming out of a daze…I think?

"What do you mean '_what_'? You just fucking kissed me!" I practically scream at him.

"No I d-"he stopped, realizing he kissed me. "What did I do, Oh my gosh, how am I going to tell Jake? What if he won't love me anymore? What if he breaks it off? What if he tries to kill his self again? What if-" I cut him off.

"Carlos everything is going to be fine, you just need to tell him straight up, and he'll be a little upset but he'll be happy that you told the truth and won't do any of those things." I said sternly even though I can't know for sure.

He sat there absorbing th information, maybe trying to convince himself. "Yeah I bet your right. I'll tell him tomorrow when I call him." He said with a sigh getting out of the car. I still don't get why he would kiss me I know he has been lonely without Jake but I didn't know that it was that bad that he would kiss me _'Just one more month'_ I thought with a sigh hopefully the time will fly by and Jake and Erin will be able to leave that place. Getting out of the car I made my way into our house and went straight to my room, flopping down on my bed all thoughts of Carlos kissing me got replaced with that blonde, bushy eyebrow guy, my eyes started to grow heavy as they slowly shut I could still see the smirk he gave me, falling into a peaceful sleep.

Waking up I could hear someone talking. Making my way out of my room passing by Carlos' room I realize it is him talking on the phone.

"I'm sorry baby I didn't mean to I swear." I heard him say, opening the door quietly peaking inside to see Carlos sitting down with one leg bouncing up and down and his lips curled down into a from as tears brimmed his blood-shot eyes, I stared at him a second longer then quietly closed the door and when to do my morning routine.

**JAKE POV**

Walking to the cafeteria, getting breakfast with Erin as we wait for Logan. When I woke him up this morning he seemed out of it, he really needs to talk to the therapist about changing his meds. After we get our food we sit down as Logan finally came in with his eyes still droopy looking like a zombie, he sits down next to me without saying anything or getting any food.

"Hey you okay." Erin said looking at Logan, he didn't respond with that she frowned and turned away.

"Logan, are you alright?" I asked putting my hand on his shoulder, he turned his head and looked at me or rather though me, his eyes were glazed over. "Logie," I said shaking his shoulder, he shook his head and blinked a couple of time.

"What? Where am I?" He asked looking around I just stared at him worriedly. "How'd I get out here? Why are you staring at me like that?" He asked.

"Um…are you feeling alright?" I asked.

"Yeah why wouldn't I be?" He said with a raised eyebrow.

"Um… Logan what's the last thing you remember before coming out here?" I said.

"The last thing I remember is walking to brush my teeth and seeing Jordan smiling at me." He said with a shrug.

I was about to respond when a nurse came up to our table I think her name was Jordan but I didn't really care.

"Jake." She said. My head snapped up.

"Yeah." I said looking at her.

"You have a phone call," She said smirking.

"Uh who is it." I asked.

"He said his name was Carlos…I think." She said shrugging; I shot out of my chair and made my way over to the reception desk where the phone was.

Picking up the phone I had this really bad feeling.

"Hello?" I answered, taking a shaky breath.

"Hello Jake?" Carlos said. I let out an uncontrolled sigh.

"Hey Carlos, I miss you." I said.

"I miss you too babe." He replied, but there was something in his voice that worried me.

"Carlos is there something wrong?" I asked hopping I'm wrong but with the sigh I just heard from him I knew right then and there something had happened.

"I'm so sorry." He said, "I'm sorry I didn't mean to I swear." He said sounding like he was about to cry.

"Carlos you're scaring me, what happened? Why are you sorry?" I asked worriedly.

"Please don't hate me." He pleaded, as I could picture his face right now his tears streaming down his cheeks.

"I could never ha-" I tried to say but was cut off.

"I kissed James." He said, I just stood there frozen not being able to speak. I was stunned to silence and the only noise on the line for a couple of minutes was the sound of muffled sobs. "Please say something, anything, I'm sorry." He said full on sobbing.

"Why did kiss him, _Carlos."_ I spat pinching the bridge of my nose.

"I don't know." He said sniffling.

"That's not good enough. Why did you kiss him?" I said raising my voice.

"I-I don't know, I guess because I missed you and felt lonely." He said truthfully. "I really didn't mean too, I'm sor-" I cut him off.

"Do you_ like_ _like_ him?" I said anger bubbling up.

"No I don't, I only like him as a friend and plus your my one true love. I'm sorry. Do you forgive me?" he asked, I felt my heart swell for a second but then shatter into a million pieces ago.

"I'm sorry too Carlos, I have nothing to say to you right now, really I thought you wouldn't do anything like this but I guess I was wrong, I can't talk to you right now. Goodbye." I said hanging up the phone. I just stood there for a minute letting it sink in _'How could he do this to me? Why would he do this to me?'_ I thought to myself deciding I just need to go back to my room.

Walking back to my room as my mind kept swarming with thoughts of why Carlos would do this

'_**Am I not good enough '**_

'**No you're not your worthless'**

'_**No I'm not'**_

'**Yes you are'**my mind kept arguing back and forth until I was broken out of my thoughts by being knocked to the floor I think I hit a wall but heard some else hit the floor.

"Ow." Someone said. Looking at who I ran in to it was Jared.

"I'm so sorry Jared, I wasn't paying attention." I said standing up and extending my arm to help him up.

"It's okay Jake, it was my fault I should have been watching where I was going." He said with a half-smile.

"No it wasn't your fault it was mine I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't even see you there." I said looking down.

"I guess where both at fault then huh?" He said with a laugh, I couldn't help but laugh too, it felt good to laugh for once. "So what's up?" He said scratching the back of his head.

"Uh….nothing." I said not wanting to bring up _Carlos._

"So how are you and Carlos going?" He asked, I frowned at the question but put on a forced smile.

"Good actually, How are you and Gen doing?" I lied trying to change the subject.

"Really?" He asked with a cocked eyebrow, I just nodded. "We're doing really good, but I miss her." He answered with a frown.

"Sorry." I said.

"Um…Well I have to go," He said, and after we said are goodbyes he turned and walked away as did I.

When I finally made it back to my room, Logan was laying down staring at the ceiling; he turned and looked at me when I sat down on the bed.

"So what did you and Carlos talk about?" he asked.

"Nothing," I replied with a sigh.

"Really?" He asked turning on his side looking at me.

"It was an awesome talk." I said sarcastically.

"What happened?" He said sitting up.

"I don't want to talk about it." I said harshly, turning the other way and facing the wall. I heard him get off his bed and walk over to me; I felt the bed shift and looked over to see him sitting at the edge of my bed.

"Are we friends?" He asked randomly.

"Yeah I think so, why?" I said sitting next to him.

"Well aren't friends supposed to tell each other things?" He asked.

"I guess." I said looking in his eyes.

"So are you going to tell me what happened now?" He said putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Fine," I sighed. "Well you know Carlos called, and he told me that he kissed James and said he only did it because he felt lonely and missed me, but I just don't know." I told him as stray tears fell from my eyes. Logan pulled me into a hug.

"It's okay." He whispered in my ear before we pulled apart, we just sat there staring at each other, he brought his hand up to my face and wiped away my tears with his thumb, I don't know what compelled me to do it but I inched my face closer to his and he did the same, our lips barley touch and I could feel his warm breath ghost over my lips, I couldn't take it any more I pushed my lips to his and it felt amazing but wrong at the same time

'_**I have a fiancé I can't do this' **_I thought.

'**He cheated on you first' **

'_**So, it doesn't make it right'**_

'**Yes it does' **

'_**I'm not a cheater'**_

'**Really? Take a look at who you're kissing.'**

Ignoring the voice inside my head, I pushed him down on his back and straddled his hips, not breaking the intense kiss. One of his hand is tangled in my hair pulling it making me moan into the kiss as my hand went under his shirt feeling his body. We pulled apart for the need of air just staring at each other with intense passion, his eyes clouded with lust as sure as mine are too, I took of my shirt and as did he. I leaned down and kissed his lips for a second, kissing down his jaw line towards his neck, sucking on his neck gently, hearing barely audible moans escape his lips as I bit down on the tender skin making him moan louder from both pain and pleasure. Removing my mouth from his neck looking make up at him, he grabbed my face and pulled me into a passionate kiss, the lust in our eyes started to dim so did the passion in the kiss as we pull apart licking our lips, slowly opening our eyes. We stare at each other for a minute letting what happened and what almost happened sink in. As I processed this I just stared at him wide-eyed and he did the same I was about to say something when there was a knock at the door. I just stared at the door not moving, as the knocking continued.

"Hey can I come in?" Erin asked through the door.

"Huh, Yeah." I replied slowly and emotionless. The door slowly opened and Erin entered the room looking at us with a confused expression. "What?" I asked.

"Um…Why aren't you guys wearing shirts? And why does Logan have a hicky, and your guys lips are swollen." She said continuing to point out obvious things with a smirk, I quickly grabbed my shirt and threw it on and Logan did the same. I looked at Logan and he nodded, I knew he didn't want to answer the questions ether so we stayed silent. "Well aren't you going to answer me?" She said placing her hands on her hips. We both shook our heads, 'no'. "Fine," She said with a huff and turned around, "Well are you guys coming to dinner or what." And with that she left the room.

"I'm sorry." I said facing Logan. He gave me a half-smile.

"It's okay." He said standing up from the bed.

"No it's not." I replied, upset with myself for letting that happen.

"Jake it's fine, let's just not bring it up okay." He said and I nodded and we left the room, I still couldn't believe we were in the room for that long we even skipped lunch.

I wasn't feeling that hungry, I just decided to sit down and think about what just happened and what I did. I still can't believe me and Logan almost had sex,

'_**Why did I do it why?'**_

'**Because you're a cheater, nobody could ever love you'**

'_**That's not true.'**_

'**Yes it is. Why don't you kill yourself already, Carlos has already moved on, he never loved you.'**

'_**You're lying.'**_

'**Am I? Everyone that you thought loved you never did, your parents never loved you they even told you, Carlos cheated on you with one of you friends who's supposed to Love you as a brother but he doesn't ether. So stop lying to yourself and kill yourself your just worthless waste of space nobody needs you.'**

"STOP!" I yelled, looking around I see Erin and Logan staring at me worried like, "I have to go." said before they could ask what's wrong, I ran to our room shutting the door and putting a chair barricading the door so it won't open.

**Logan's POV**

"What was that about?" Erin asked me.

"How am I supposed to know?" I asked, looking in the direction Jake ran, contemplating running after him.

"Well, you're the one who was fooling around with him, so I'd figure you'd know what's going on with him," She said with a sarcastic tone , making me turn to glare at her.

"Whatever. I should go make sure he's okay." I said, getting up.

"Why wouldn't he be? Logan, what happened?" She said following me to the room.

"He and Carlos had a fight, that's it. You can ask him about it later." I replied sharply ending the conversation.

When we reached the room the door was shut, and when I went to open it, it was stuck.

"Jake, open the door," I called in. I heard a little movement on the other side of the door, then silence. So, I knocked on the door. "Jake!" I said loudly.

Both Erin and I began pounding on the door with our fists, calling for him to open the door, getting the attention of a couple of nurses walking by.

"What's the problem?" They asked, approaching us.

Erin and I looked at each other, both worried for Jake but also not wanting to get him in trouble. "The door got stuck, I think, and Jake was taking a nap, so I'm just trying to wake him up so he could come out and have dinner with us." I said, and the nurses walked away, deciding it wasn't worth their time.

"Hey, is there any way you could get us into the room?" Erin called after them.

One of the nurses turns back, and with a sigh motions for us to follow her. She leads us into the room to the left of our room and takes out a set of keys. She opens the adjoining door for us. "Here you go," She said motioning for us to go in, and locked the door before leaving.

Erin and I were both grateful for her not following behind us, both knowing what to expect from Jake.

As the door shut behind us, both of our gazes locked on Jake standing near the edge of his bed, a sheet twisted and tied around his neck in the style of a noose attached to the ceiling fan in the center of the room. The fan was turning, shortening the length of the sheet with each rotation, making it easier for Jake to hang himself. Erin ran to the switch to turn the fan off while I ran to the bed to try and get the sheet from around his neck.

"Logan, leave me alone," Jake pleaded, fighting to keep the noose around his neck.

I kept an arm around his waist, keeping him on the bed, while my other hand fought to get the sheet off. Erin was helping as well, and between the both of us we were able to free him from his death trap and throw him back on the bed. There were tears in his eyes.

"What were you thinking?" Erin screamed at him. "Do you know what this would have done to Carlos? To James?" She questioned angrily.

"Screw Carlos and James," Jake spat, leaving Erin shocked.

"How can you even say that?" She asked incredulously. "Do you even know how much Carlos loves you? You know, your fiancé?"

Jake finally allowed the words to seep in, and he turned to look at me before dropping his gaze. "I know, and how can I face him after that? How could I do that to him?" He said in a low voice, seeming to be speaking mostly to himself.

"Jake, it'll be okay." I said, trying to comfort him, knowing that I was a part of the reason why he tried to do this, but he shook his head.

"It won't. How can it possibly be okay? First, he breaks his promise, and does the one thing he says he'd never do to me, and then I turn around and do the same thing. How are either of us going to get passed that? Tell me Logan?" His voiced turned acidic.

I sat there, shocked looking at him, not knowing what to say to make things better.

"Okay, what happened?" Erin asked, her voice much softer than before. Jake shook his head indicating he didn't want to talk about it. She dropped her shoulders with a deep sigh. "Whatever; don't tell me. Whatever the problem is you guys better find a way to get through it, because I'm not going sit here and let you kill yourself."

"Oh you're one to talk," Jake said, obviously looking at the fresh scars on her wrists.

"That is not the same at all," she said through gritted teeth, turning her arms so the scars were hidden.

"Look, she's right." I said, stepping in. "You can't kill yourself over this; you and Carlos will work it out."

"He's going to hate me."

I shook my head and put an arm around his shoulders, "He won't hate you. He'll be mad, and probably hate me, but he couldn't hate you."

We didn't speak for a while after that. Jake sat on the bed, lost in thought, as Erin and I removed the sheet from the fan and the chair from blocking the door.

I must have blacked out or something, because the next thing I remember is was sitting at the dinner table with Erin, Jared, Jensen, and Jake who had called my name a few times to get my attention.

'_Why does this keep happening?' _Thought to myself as I pretended to be engaged in whatever conversation they were all having.

After dinner, we all sat around a table and began playing some card game I only half paid attention to when Jordan came over, half glaring, half smirking at me, confusing me at the latter. Her gaze didn't linger on me long before she walked a few feet away with Jensen and in a sincerely soft and sensitive tone of voice told him that his wife had been in an accident and passed away. Jared rushed to Jensen right away and helped steady the fairly large man.

We all automatically walked over as Jordan moved away from the two men. No one knew what to say, so we allowed Jared to help Jensen to their shared room while we stayed back, still shocked about the news and worried about our new friend.

My mind kept wandering to the smirk Jordan has had the last few times I've seen her. She seems as though she's up to something, yet I barely have any contact with her, which confuses me even more. Maybe it has something to do with Kendall; maybe she thinks she's won. The thought makes my blood boil; there is no way she's won him over. If she has, then why did he kiss me, and why did he get so flustered when we talked about it? No, I refuse to believe she has any advantage with him; not now.

Although, coming to the conclusion that we are at an even playing field, or even ahead of her, when it comes to Kendall, I am left even more confused and dumbfounded at the smirk she sports in my presence. Something is going on; I just can't figure it out.

I must have had another blackout, because all of the sudden Jared was back and everyone was discussing Jensen and how the expected him to act. As soon as I came to, I joined in the conversation giving my opinion on the idea of staying with him and making sure he didn't do anything stupid.

After we concluded the conversation and retreated to our rooms, a different nurse made rounds, saying Jordan was busy with the other half of the rooms, and this time I was only given two pills.

"I guess your doctor changed your prescription," Jake said as he took his medication and settled into bed.

The nurse looked confused at his statement but said nothing as she watched me swallow the pills and then left.

**Erin's POV**

'_Today was a very long day,' _I thought to myself as I plopped down in my bed. First, I practically walk in on Jake and Logan, then Jake tries to hang himself, and then we find out Jensen's wife died.

I grab the piece of glass I broke off of one of the mirrors in the one of the staff bathrooms here from under my pillow and look at it, contemplating feeling the cool glass pressing against my skin.

The day's events replay in my head and before I even realize what I'm doing I am dragging the glass across my wrist, feeling the sting I've come accustom to over time. Right away I began to regret do it, not because I cut myself, but the placing of the fresh cut. People have begun to notice them and call me out on it.

The thought of Jake yelling at me because of the scars and fresh scabs on my wrist made me draw the glass across my skin once again, only this time is was higher up on my arm, where it would be hidden by the sleeve of my shirt. I quickly grabbed some tissues from the bedside and soaked the blood from the fresh cuts, so I didn't get the red fluid all over my bed sheets and clothing, because that would cause too many questions.

After the shallow wounds stopped bleeding, I got up to throw the stained tissue away before slipping back into bed and falling asleep. It was times like these I am very happy I've yet to get anyone to room with.

The next morning I met up with all of the boys, and we went to one of the nurses and asked them if we would be able to spend the day in Jensen and Jared's room, to comfort him after his wife's death, and she quickly agreed that it would be the best thing.

We brought Jensen breakfast and spent all morning in the room with him trying to talk to him, but not making him talk. All we really wanted to do was allow him to realize he wasn't alone, that we would all be there for him. Although, other than Jake and I, we'd all just met a few days ago, we'd grown very close to each other, and the last thing any of us want to see is anyone else trying to harm themselves again.

Unfortunately a nurse came in to tell us we had to leave Jensen to go to a group therapy session, which we felt was the wrong thing to do.

"I'm sorry, but you all will need to attend this group therapy meeting." She said, looking around the room at all of our faces.

"We really think that being here is more necessary than being there, at the moment," Logan told her.

"I didn't ask you what you felt was needed, I'm telling you what is required of you," The nurse said bluntly, upsetting all of us.

"The most important thing right now is not sitting around in a damn circle listening to people tell their stories, not when we have someone here who clearly needs us," Jared said sharply.

"You can all return right after, but for now you must go." She replied flatly, not giving in. "And you should all be lucky we allowed so many of you to stay in here all day as it is, you shouldn't push your luck." She finished and turned to walk out, waiting by the door for us to exit.

We looked around at each other and all stood up. "I'm not leaving. Unless you want to send someone to come in here and drag me to group, I am staying right here. The last thing I need is to hear about how bad everyone has had it," Jensen mumbled and turned to face away from us.

We all looked from Jensen to the nurse wondering what she was going to say, "Fine. Considering your circumstances, you may spend the hour here." She replied and ushered us out of the room.

"Of all the people to leave alone in this institution, you decide to leave the guy who's already tried committing suicide and who just lost his fucking wife, instead of leaving us to watch him and make sure he's okay?" Jake exploded in the nurse's face after she shut the door.

"The language and tone you're using is unnecessary and will not be tolerated here. I suggest you work on that, sir. Besides, this is a secure institution, your friend, Mr. Ackles, will be fine, even if left alone for a short period of time." The nurse said and began to walk away.

"Yeah, because nobody around here, in this _secure institution_, has found a way to self-harm or anything of the sort, that would be _absurd_," I called out to the nurse, my voice cold and filled with venom, causing her to glance back at us to glare, but continued walking away. I turned to look at the guys standing around me and all of them had looks of concern plastered on their faces. I shook my head deciding not to address the issue. "Come on, we'd better get going."

None of us wanted to stay in therapy today and we all were itching to get out, so of course today would be the day everyone had long stories and we ended up staying there longer than usual. Walking back to Jensen's room, we realized our visitors were waiting for us.

James was sitting at a table, eyes shifting around the room. "Hey," I said standing behind him, causing him to whip his head around.

"Hey, yourself," he said, and the sound of his voice and looking at his radiant smile gave me massive butterflies.

I moved around him to sit beside him, breaking eye contact to gain a little bit of self-control. I've had feelings for James as long as I can remember, my feelings only getting clouded when I feel the extreme need to end my life, and as many times as I have attempted suicide, he has actually kept me from trying on several accounts, even though he doesn't know it. I haven't told him about how I feel; I'm too scared it'll push him away and I might lose the one person I care about most.

His smile faltered for a moment, "Are you okay?"

His question and the sadness his face showed confused me, for a couple of reasons. One, I am in a mental institution, how 'okay' could I really be? And two, I had hardly said anything, how could I have proved to be anything other than okay?

"Yeah?" I said in the form of a question, not knowing what he was referring to.

He sighed, the twisted expression still on his face. "You look drained, more so than you have in a while, and I've noticed the new scars and scabs," He said, grabbing my hand, but not looking down at the cuts, although my eyes instantly dropped.

"I'm as good as I can be, James. Really, I'm fine," I assured him, meeting his gaze once again. "I'm not cutting that much," I lied.

"You shouldn't be at all," He said and his voice broke slightly. His hand squeezed mine, and my heart broke a little. He's always been the one person who's cared about me.

"I'll try," I lied again, but a part of me wished I were telling the truth because he's the one person I would want to be able to stop all of this up for; he would be the reason I didn't wake up and want to kill myself for. Maybe one day he can fully be that person, but right now, the feeling and the urge is always there.

"I hope so," he said, and I know he knows I'm lying, but like me he wants it to be true, so for now, we'll both just pretend it is, and hope that's enough.

"So, what's going on between Carlos and Jake?" I asked, both for a change of subject and for a curiosity that has filled me since I walked in on Jake and Logan.

James blushed quickly, _'why is he blushing? That was a blush, right?' _I thought, but the rosy color was gone as soon as it came, leaving me to wonder if I had imagined it. "Uhm, well, he kind of…" He trailed off and dropped his eyes, to look down at our hands and he began fiddling his thumbs with mine.

"James, out with it! What happened?" I said, extremely interested in what he had to say.

"He kissed me yesterday." He said, and my jaw dropped.

"You kissed Carlos?" I asked, stunned, when he didn't say anything else. I know James is bi, so him kissing a guy doesn't shock me, but him kissing Carlos shocks me very much. Although hearing about James kissing anyone doesn't make me too happy, anyways, this just threw me.

His head snapped up, "No, he kissed me. Well, I guess I kissed back for a second before I realized it was _Carlos_, and I reminded him about Jake. He just missed him a lot and it happened."

Even though I'm not going out with James or anything, I was unable to keep the hurt out of my voice, "So what, do you like him?" I blurted out.

"No, no, I've never seen Carlos like that, and he doesn't see me like that. Like I said, he was really missing Jake and he didn't know what he was doing. But, Carlos is just my best friend, like you," the words rushed out of his mouth, but he stopped abruptly.

"Like me," I said, averting my eyes, allowing that to settle in. _'If you only knew, James; if you only fucking new.' _

"Well, not like you," he started to say, but I interrupted him by standing up, and taking my hand from his.

"No James, it's okay," I said not able to hide the hurt in my voice, and I'm sure my face betrayed me just as much.

"Erin, I didn't," he said as he stood up, but I put a hand up, halting his words.

"No, actually, I have to go do something, but it was nice seeing you, James," the tone of my voice not changing.

I turned to walk away but stopped before I could take a step. Jake was standing up, facing a shaky Carlos, screaming at him. "You said it would never happen! And then…" He paused, for a second, "You know what, there is a lot going on right now, and the last thing I need to do is sit here and fight with you. Good bye, Carlos." He turned and stormed off, leaving Carlos standing there looking as though he was going to break down.

I turned back to James, reluctantly. "You should go check on Carlos. He's going to need you now," I told him.

He nodded but grabbed my hand instead of moving towards his heartbroken friend. "Look, I didn't mean that, my friendship with him isn't like ours."

I shrugged, hoping it would seem as though I didn't care, although from my previous reactions it's clear to both of us that I do. "No, he's your best friend; I'm your best friend. Same thing, right?"

"No, not the same thing," He said, and he dipped his head down and touched his lips to mine, briefly, but as he began to move away, I pushed up onto the balls of my feet to prolong the kiss. He seemed to get it because his hand that wasn't holding mine moved up to rest on the back of my neck. He pulled away first, "I should go check on Carlos, and you should go check on Jake," he said, with a smile, squeezing my hand.

I nodded, clearing my now cloudy head, "Yeah," was all I could say.

He let go of my hand and he both began walking in the same direction, him stopping as we walked passed Carlos. I briefly said hello, but he was so upset, he just managed a weak smile, tears in his eyes, although none had spilled over to roll down his cheeks. I made my way to the hallway Jake had disappeared to, only to see him running back towards me.

"Jake, what's wrong?" I asked, as he quickly approached me.

"Jensen," He said in a gasp, as he passed me.

I stopped and watched as he ran to some nurses. I then turned back and began to make my way to their room. The nurses rushed passed me and Jake stood at my side as we approached the door.

"It looks really bad," He said, slightly out of breath, but more from seeing Jensen than running, I think.

I decide to peek in and see what happened, and as the nurses pushed Jared out of the way, before they could take their place around him blocking my view, I briefly saw blood, a lot of blood.

Jake and I waited quietly outside of the room as the nurses worked on Jensen. Soon, they asked Jared to leave the room, and as he walked out a massive amount of Jensen's blood was smeared over his hands and shirt.

It left us wondering if after that much blood loss, would Jensen make it?

* * *

**Drama drama drama. sigh.  
****Review! Review! Review! Please and thank you. (: **


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